by: Raine and Lil’ Raine
Raine: Daddy, since we can’t repeat our awesome performance from last year, we decided to make a list of things that remind us of you. Who are “we?” Me and my little sister Lil’ Raine! HAHAHA!
Lil’ Raine: Daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy, daddy…DADDY!!!
Raine: Omg…annoying. ANYWAY, it’s your 63rd birthday, now.
Lil’ Raine: No it’s not!
Raine: Wait, don’t we age backwards? That’s what dad always taught me…
Lil’ Raine: Stop doing a “daddy”. He’s 65.
Raine: So anyway. He’s some old age that we can make fun of.
Lil’ Raine: *nods enthusiastically* He’s ancient.
Raine: The first thing that I think of when I think of my dad is…
Lil’ Raine: EPOXY!
Raine: Hehehe. Yeah…dad things that epoxy fixes everything. If it was safe to ingest, he’d probably take it for stomach aches.
Lil’ Raine: He’d probably try to use it to fix this kitty’s sleeping habits…
Raine: That is…if dad could stay awake long enough to fix him. He’s JUST like this cat. He can fall asleep anywhere.
Lil’ Raine: In two seconds flat!
Raine: So true. He falls asleep mid-conversation and then you hear, “Daddy…daddy. Dad. DAd. DAD!”
Lil’ Raine: The only thing that will keep him awake is one of his stories…
Raine: You mean one of the millions of stories he has? That each take hours to tell?
Lil’ Raine: But that we love oh-so-much.
Raine: We should get a volume control installed on him though. He is a bit loud…
Lil’ Raine: I guess we got it from somewhere.
Raine: Wait…we’re loud?
Lil’ Raine: The Miami house becomes much more…lively…as soon as we come home!
Raine: That is true!
Lil’ Raine: Yes! We have no bananas!
Raine: Wait! That’s the song daddy sings to ME! Not YOU!
Lil’ Raine: We have no bananas today!
Raine: MY SONG! It’s my song he sang to me as a baby!
Lil’ Raine: *Starts dancing around the room*
Raine: Well, well…he tells REALLY bad jokes! He only tells one good one a year. I think there might be a daddy quotient.
Lil’ Raine: I think the mouse and the elephant one has reached the end of it’s usable life…
Raine: I agree. But the best thing is when we can say, “Daddy made a funny!”
Lil’ Raine: Those are definitely memorable moments…
Raine: …because they are few and far between.
Lil’ Raine: Just like the times when he uses correct vocabulary.
Raine: Like calling new kitty “Momo” by the wrong name…
Lil’ Raine: HELLO MOOMOO!
Raine: Daddy, she’s not a cow. She’s a three-pound kitten.
Lil’ Raine: Or as daddy says, “the list goes on. I have a million of ’em.”
Raine: Yeah, we should probably stop while we’re ahead. We love you, daddy!
Lil’ Raine: I don’t.
Raine: Yes, she does.
Lil’ Raine: I juz kiiiiddddding! Happy burfday daddy! You’re getting old!
Raine: 65 years young! (I’m the nice daughter!)
Lil’ Raine: Bitch.
Both: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! WE LOVE YOU, DADDY!